Sticks and Stones

As I write this blog I think of all of you reading about my crazy life. You are helping me so much just knowing you are there and you care about me. I wish I could give you the answer to how to find your own healthy you. I had to find that for myself. I had to get the fire in my heart that I wanted to do this so bad that I had to do it.  I have shared a lot of what I had to go through to get to that point. I guess with death knocking at my door I had to make that choice. I know how you feel because I have felt those feelings too. It is hard to go out that door and walk when you feel so heavy and sad. I know how really hard it is to put  on that swimming suit and worry about what someone will say.  I think I shock my kids sometimes when they say something about what will someone think about this or that. I tell them THAT is not their problem it is the other persons  problem. Let them think what  they want, let them say what they want. My mom use to tell me a little saying when I was little and had hurt feelings. "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me." The only way words can hurt me is if I let them. You all know what I mean.  Just know that there are many people out there wanting the same things you want and are cheering you all on in your journey for healthy living. Thanks for cheering me on.

New Journey

I started training for a new job yesterday. I can't believe I would ever work again. I have been going to weight watchers for the past six months and one day as I was weighing the leader said. "Come work for us." I said okay not really thinking they were serious. They were!!!!!!! I will train this week and if all goes well I will be a receptionist for a couple of meetings a week.  Not much but enough that it will let me be with others who are working on a healthy journey and keep myself going. I remember when I had to give up my nursing licenses and all the training and work I had put into that career seemed lost. I don't know why that was a lot of my self worth, but it was. I have struggled with that for a long time. I have been asked why I don't try to return to nursing but I have very little sensation in my hands and arms. I could not do what a nurse needs to do. I don't know if my fibromyagia would cooperate either. I have new doors to open and new hope for opportunities. I know that all the things I have had to fight through have had a reason. Sometimes I just wonder why it had to be so hard? So.....here I go on a new journey and excited for it.

Dogtown 5K

We did it. My daughter, son, and I completed the dogtown 5K this weekend. I finished 5th in my age division (out of 5 that had registered.)  I guess you could say I came in last again.  It was a lot of fun doing it with my son and daughter this year.  She is doing really great in her healthy journey. Has had a few bumps in the road but picks herself up and keeps on going. Just wanted to let you know how it went.  I am so grateful for the strength that I have been given to do the activities that I wanted to do for so many years. I am amazed at the miracles I have been given.

Frenzy

  A few years ago I went to a Transformer movie with my little red headed grandson.  At one point in the movie this little creepy mumbling robot comes crawling out. I physically shivered and "red" said, " are you okay granny?"  I clenched my fists and continued watching the movie but told him later that "frenzy" really freaked me out.  A few years later when I was at the rehab I received a package from my family and there was a little tiny frenzy toy packed in there from red.  I began carrying that around and realized that he and I had both recognized some feeling that I had when looking at frenzy. At the time I first saw frenzy my  life was a real frenzy. My mind, my health, my pain and my pain pill addiction.  I was out of control and on a fast track to death.  As I continued with my rehab I would get letters and little packages often and always tucked inside somewhere was a picture of frenzy. I studied him long and hard trying to figure out why he bothered me so much. I came to the realization that I felt just like that inside.  I didn't like what inside looked like or how I felt. It was just not good at all.  I made a little necklace that the frenzy toy hangs on and wore it for a long time as a reminder that I never want to feel or look like that inside again. I use a lot of little tools like frenzy to help me keep on track. I am so grateful for that little boy and the sensitivity and fun he provided for me in a very frenzied time of my life.

Cousin Mark and two half marathons.

My son and my friend crossing the finish line with me.
I have lost about 70 lbs. since this photo. 

I read a post by my cousin Mark one day in Sept of 2011. He was throwing out the challenge for family and friends to walk with him in a Half Marathon. The date for this event was the middle of Jan. 2012. Many years ago I had helped the runners of our towns annual marathon and had always had great admiration for the work it took for them to be ready for the event. So I got my mind going. What if I just try? What if I can't finish? What if I can? Can I train and walk over 13 miles in the time allowed of 3 and a half hours? I decided to start walking. I printed out a schedule from the Internet and began following it. I walked through September, October, November, and December. Each week going a little longer on my distance. Finally the big day was here and It was pouring rain and sleet. I was NOT going to let the weather stop me, so off I went. I was able to cross the finish line 3:30 and 32 seconds. Not quite under the time limit but oh so close. I  then decided that since I was conditioned I should do the 1/2 marathon that is held in our neighboring town that is in Feb. so I kept walking. I was able to cross that finish line before the deadline and I am proud to say I hold the record for finishing last!!!! At least I have something that is unique. It was a lot of hard work and a lot of time but I won so much during my training. I did not lose any weight which I had hoped for but I  won the beauty of nature. I won the fresh air and the singing birds. I won the blue sky and the cool breezes. I won the knowledge that I can do anything when I really put my mind to it and take it a day at a time with little steps. I won knowing that my body could do much more when I gently coaxed it along. My knees were stronger and did not hurt. My hips felt better. I was stronger. I am so grateful that Mark threw me that challenge and I caught it.

Dancing Queens

Linda and I can shake it up!!!

I had an acquaintance who became a dear friend. Her name is Linda. When I started going to the gym I realized that she was going there also. Linda was on her own healthy journey and had done wonderful things with diet and exercise. She lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of health. She is one of my faithful cheerleaders. We decided that we wanted to try out a Zumba class. We KNEW that we would probably be the oldest ones there and I knew I was going to be the biggest. We went and placed ourselves in the very back. We tried and we stumbled and we laughed at ourselves and each other a lot. We keep trying and eventually decided that to make it more fun we wanted to wear the little Zumba skirts over our work out clothes. The ones like belly dancers wear that have all the little jingling coins on them. We knew we would probably feel like fools but we did it anyway. We wore those skirts and we shook our hips.  Much to our surprise we found out that we were getting a better work out with the skirts as we would move our hips more to make the coins jingle. Eventually there were 7 or 8 gals that wore those skirts and we had a lot of fun with that. I have been told many times that someone had looked in the window at us and thought, "if they can do it I am going  to try." I have since that time tried many of the classes. Some I love and some are not for me. I have had  to find that out by trying. Linda has had to miss the gym for some time with a terrible wrist break but she was back by my side the other night doing Aqua Zumba. She has some catching up to do for her healthy journey but she is there working hard and doing it.  Love ya Linda.

Blogging for a month!

I  have been writing this blog for a month. I am so surprised by the many, many people who have looked at my blog. People from all over the world. The U.S., United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Germany, India, S. Korea, France, Greece, Italy, Malaysia, China, Switzerland,  Greenland,  Netherlands,  New Zealand,  Czech Republic, Turkey, Brazil, and Japan to just list a few. I guess wanting to be healthy is a world wide desire. I just have one wish and that is that you have taken the time to love yourself.  To find healthy foods and begin moving.  Thank you for the many wonderful comments and messages of love you have sent to me. We are in this journey together and I need you to keep me going on this healthy way of life. Thank you again.